As you probably have guessed, I am not a trained medical health professional. What I am is a mom, a mimi, a retired teacher, a lover of nature and of music, as well as, someone living with chronic illnesses. I share my journey to provide some insight and hopefully ideas that may be helpful to others dealing with similar issues. Always, consult with your doctor before trying anything new.
Have you ever noticed your mind’s thoughts as you’re driving alone in your car? Or as you’re lying in bed trying to fall asleep? Really, at any moment of the day, I can find my brain zipping from one random thought to another. Like a monkey swinging from thought branch to thought branch. My yoga teacher termed this as having a “monkey mind.”
Thoughts that bounce from one random thing to another tends to be the norm in this day and age. I have found that while I actually thrived on that mentality for most of my life (feeling like I was more accomplished juggling all these thoughts into some sort of coherence day in and day out), I now am so overwhelmed with my foggy fibro mind that I find myself frozen in anxiety.
The more I study how the mind works, the more I am coming to understand that I have been yanked around by my thoughts for a good portion of my life. In the past few years, I found myself being physically pulled from one thing to another right along with my thoughts which lead me to a state of panic. On the journey to rewire my overactive nervous system, I have come to realize that meditation is the missing link. As a meditation teacher and researcher Dr. John Kabatt explains, “Most people don’t realize that the mind constantly chatters. And yet, that chatter winds up being the force that drives us much of the day in terms of what we do, what we react to, and how we feel.”
21 Days of Meditation
I’ve been meditating every day for 30 minutes at least once a day for 21 days. As explained in my post Up the Air: Struggles with Flying, Fibro Flare, and Acceptance, I am going through the Mindfully Based Stress Reduction 8-week course online through https://palousemindfulness.com/. David Potter shares this free course, based on Dr. John Kabat Zinn’s program at UMass Medical School.
The program’s format makes this teacher’s heart smile. It’s easy to understand and all the resources are accessible and meaningful. While it’s all on-line, everything other than video and audio files can be printed to keep in a binder (which is what Dave suggests doing). I made a digital binder that I will share here. It’s view only, but you could make a copy of what I’ve done. I’m finishing week-3. I decided to do week-2 twice because I had a flare during the first go-round and felt it would be beneficial to continue it for one more week.
You may click through the pages of the digital notebook that I’ve created.
Week 1: Simple Awareness
I watched all the video links basically in one sitting; I was excited to get started. I printed out the formal practice and informal practice so that I could begin. The first week David takes you through a guided body scan. There are two versions: one of 32 minutes and one of 20 minutes. However, the research that showed good results was at least 30 minutes a day, so I did that one.
At first, I did the body scan in my bed. I was familiar with doing the scan because of previous experiences during yoga classes and other video-guided body scans. The main difference I found in this one was there was no mention of relaxing or releasing, just noticing how you were feeling. It is suggested that you do this and all meditations when you are alert, so if you’re really ready to drift off, this would not be the way to go about it.
I did have a couple of sessions when I would blank out on whole sections of the body. I would be “focusing” on my ankle and the next thing I notice I was to be focusing on my belly. So, those times, I didn’t count towards my half-hour. I really enjoy the laying when I’m meditating. I find I don’t grip in my body as much. Also, I used a Bluetooth eye mask or flax-seed eye pillow to help my eyelids relax. (Does anyone else have restless eyelids?)
The biggest takeaway I have from this first week was that it’s natural that our brain goes off every couple of seconds. So, instead of thinking I’m weak and will never be able to do this, I was told to see each time I noticed that I was thinking about something else to see that as a brain sit-up. Each noticing and bringing back the focus to my breathing, choosing to focus on my nasal passages as it comes in and out, is strengthening that brain pathway. This was a HUGE revelation for me and really helped me to enjoy the noticing and coming back to focus.
I did the raisin meditation (which is the absolute slowest way to eat a raisin) about half-way through the week. I found the mindful eating videos in the extra resources very interesting being I feel my eating habits are long ingrained in me through a lifetime of school rushed lunches. I also began to realize that I can do anything mindfully. I’ve been working on applying that, especially with my driving. (See my post Am I Strong Enough?)
Week 2: Attention and The Brain
This week (which I did twice) was an introduction to sitting meditation, which was difficult for me at first because it involved setting up. I first did it cross-legged (not a requirement at all) on a chair, but then decided to set up my area downstairs where I do yoga. I have a bolster which I’m using to sit on (again, not a requirement).
I followed the same way of reviewing the videos and articles as in Week 1. This time, some of the videos that David includes from YouTube led me to explore other very interesting videos by meditation gurus such as Shauna Shapiro (Ph.D., is a professor at Santa Clara University, a clinical psychologist) and Sara Lazer (Ph.D. Neuroscientist of yoga and meditation).
A few of the biggest understanding from this week so far is that meditation actually changes the shape of your brain. It shrinks the amygdala (the fight or flight part of our brain), thus decreasing stress. Yes, thank you!
Also, I am becoming more comfortable in an upright position when meditating; I’m slowly learning to let go in my body. Actually though, I’m having to work on not controlling my breathing whenever I’m asked to focus on it. The one thing that is automatic in our functioning, I am trying to control. After two weeks, the good news is that I am finding moments of pure letting go.
Week 3: Dealing with Thoughts
This week, I have started mindful Hatha Yoga. This is actually what I practice at the yoga studio where I practice. Joan, my teacher, emphasizes the breath and focus on it during each asana. However, David requires that we do the two provided videos led by Lynn Rossy, Ph.D.
Yoga is my jam, so I have been really happy doing this part. My teacher says, “Everything is yoga if done mindfully.” So, we can move mindfully to create an integrated body and mind. One of the harder things I have to deal with is the JUDGE in my mind that comes out as I do yoga. I strive often to do the poses correctly or push my body to get to where it “should” be.
I’m learning that striving and pushing is not the goal here. I want to accept me where I am on this day at this moment. The Judge and Critic are real but not my truth. I can look at it for what it is, a thought bubble. By noticing it and labeling it as “Thinking” or “Judging” and then coming back to the senses of the breath and movement, I find that I’m getting stronger at letting them go.
And so, three weeks in, I’m hopeful. I had a test today, and I didn’t fully pass, but I think I did better than I would have before meditation. After doing a wonderful sitting meditation, I went to write. However, my husband was working on getting our tax information ready. It’s more complicated with our retiring and our creating an LLC. I am the techie for the company. I created (using YouTube tutorials) a spreadsheet that keeps track of our expenditures, earnings, mileage, and costs for the office space.
So, when he wanted my help to get it ready, I began to get overwhelmed pretty quickly because he wanted the set up to be different than I had it. I could feel myself getting riled up and ready to be snippy with him. However, I worked on remembering the feeling I had just a bit before while meditating and then worked on breathing while I worked on the document preparation. I didn’t snip and we got it done without us getting upset with each other.
Have you ever tried meditation? I’d love to hear about your thoughts and experiences. I will share my journey further down the line. (Boy, I wish I had a brain scanner!)
Thank you for visiting my blog today. I am committing to posting once a week by Friday. However, as you know, my new normal means that sometimes I have to listen to my body, and I cannot follow through as planned. Thank you for your understanding.