This week, my husband and I splurged on a ticket for me to join him in Pasco, Washington. Kelley does contract work that causes him to travel about one week each month. Being I had never been to the state of Washington and he was going to be gone from Monday to Saturday, we decided that I would come along.
I blame myself (and my brain fog) for how the trip has gone. After a pretty active and clear-headed week, I found myself very tired and foggy last Saturday. Being we’ve always packed a day or night ahead of any trip, I didn’t even consider planning ahead. BIG MISTAKE! I really haven’t been on any long travel trips since before my diagnosis. The last big trip (driving from Michigan to California and back) was two years ago and the beginning of the unusual, constant, deep pain roving all over my body.
And so, Sunday, while not horrible, found me not at all motivated or clear-headed when I packed just before bedtime. My belligerent body, seemingly because it knew we’d have to get up at 4 am, decided then that I didn’t need to sleep at all. And so, I was awake and ready to go by 4:30; however, my zombified brain didn’t consider that I didn’t have my purse with me until we were nearly at the airport, one hour away from home. Of course, no identification meant no boarding.
Good News, Bad News
Being we didn’t have flight insurance (something we may have to bite the bullet and pay the extra fee next time), we didn’t expect that I would be able to go. However, Delta, being overbooked for that morning’s flight was asking for volunteers to take the later flight. My husband was able to get them to add me to that ticket at no extra charge to us. So, off he went, with me driving home to better prepare for my travel.
It was a bit of a knuckled drive home due to icy conditions on the roads, and I was struggling to keep awake. I felt like I was in some out-of-body state. However, I made it home safely and was really looking forward to cuddling back into bed for a few hours of sleep. Determined to get my purse into my backpack so that I had everything ready for later, I looked for it hanging on the hooks in the mudroom. Not there… So, did I leave it in my car (a bad habit I’ve gotten into lately)? Nope. Where could it be? Then, it dawned on me. I rode in the backseat of my husband’s car(the one we took to the airport that morning)with my granddaughter three days ago when we took her to a water park for the day. I walked meekly to the garage where I had just parked it and looked into the backseat; sure enough, there it was.
Even so, I really didn’t let it get to me. I was actually thankful for the extra time to myself to get some sleep, do some yoga, and just rest, knowing that I’d be stronger for the flight the next morning.
Let the Games Begin
I felt ready. Starbucks’ non-dairy splurge coffee made me feel like a pro. It wasn’t until my short flight to Detroit that I really looked at my tickets. I was arriving at A5 four-minutes before boarding started for my flight to Salt Lake which was leaving from gate A-65. Hmm… I realized that I was going to have to sprint. I made it and had time to pee before getting on because I was in one of the last seats on the plane (beggars can’t choose better seats). As I carefully walked down the narrow aisle, guarding my backpack so as not to hit anyone, I saw my seat, middle-stuffing between two bigger guys. Luckily, I don’t mind smaller spaces, or so I thought.
Boy, I now realize that being confined without ways to stretch really isn’t good for my tightly-wound body. It was a long four and a half hours. I had chosen not to travel by myself while on Bonine for my motion-sickness and forgot my ginger chews, so as the flight progressed, I began to get a strange dizzy-headache that then lead to a hardball forming in the pit of my stomach. During the last 45-minutes of travel, I did nothing but work on closing my eyes and slow breathing. I was glad to get off without having to use the little paper bag provided in the seat pocket in front of me.
The last connection, again a very tight-transition time, caused me to have to get directly on the flight to WA. I was in the very last row of this puddle-jumper airplane and knew from the get-go that it was going to be a rough trip for me. I didn’t open my eyes until the wheels touched down an hour and a half later. Meditating got me through the time without throwing up, but my body was one big knot, and it took everything I had to get my suitcase and find Kelley waiting for me just outside the airport’s doors.
Not Feeling the Acceptance
I’m struggling with acceptance. Today is the third day of feeling like I’m still motion-sick with added muscle pain literally everywhere. I’m feeling so weak, dizzy, light-headed, and nauseous in addition to aggravating, whimper inducing pain at every point of my body. I really had wanted to use this get-a-way to write, read, and practice meditation and yoga while Kelley went off to his job. While I am doing some of that, it’s coming hard. I’ve been feeling a bit defeated in the whole practicing of acceptance. I have this gnawing doubt that my life with Fibro will never get better and that going on Cymbalta just maybe my only option.
But still, I plugged on the past couple of days searching for anything that proves I’m on the right path of rewiring my brain through meditation and mindfulness. I went down a neuroplasticity and meditation Google research path that took me to an open door of hope.
Have You Heard of MBSR?
I hadn’t heard of Mindfulness-based Stress Reduction Therapy until I stumbled on the research paper titled “Mindfulness- and acceptance-based interventions for patients with fibromyalgia – A systematic review and meta-analyses”. The report talks about how participants in 8-weeks of meditation classes of 30-40 minutes a day caused noticeable, positive changes in their brains. This led me to find the developer of MSBR, Jon Kabat-Zinn (who I actually have read his book Wherever You Go, There You Are). I ended up watching a talk he gave to Google employees on their lunch hour: Mindfulness with Jon Kabat-Zinn. From there, I found various ways to participate in the 8-week course, but all of them would cost a decent amount. Then, I stumbled on something amazing! The course is offered online for free from Dave Potter, a fully-certified MBSF instructor.
I started my preparation for the 8-week class today. Instead of a printed notebook of the materials as is suggested, I’m creating a digital version. So far, I have it ready through week 1. Feel free to make a copy of what I have or follow along with me as I add the upcoming weeks in as I go.
Click arrows to go through the pages. Some pages have links to videos and PDFs.
I’ve enjoyed the meditation that I’ve done through Calm and Jeff Warren, but they tend to be short sessions. They’ve given me the thirst for more, and I think this is a good next step.
In my research, I have also learned that my impromptu travel planning and packing is not the best when you have fibromyalgia. I’ve found a few helpful articles by fellow spoonies that I will use for this home trip and those to come. Also, I’m going to take Bonine which will make me really sleepy, but with Kelley leading me around, I should be okay.